Everybody's Getting Fat Except...

Original: (Sunday, March 05, 2006)

Obesity seems to have become *ahem* a large item in the news;

How We Get Fat

yet again. It has become a wonderfully complex, hence controversial, topic. People debate both the cause and the cure. While many insist that weight gain is caused by excess caloric intake, many more interesting theories abound. Some say it's MacDonald's, some say television. Some say it's school cafeterias, some say it's advertising.
Just as the cause is debated, so too is the cure. A cartoon character was informed by her (cartoon) physicain that she should lose some poundage; he recommended "moderate diet and exercise." The cartoon lady responded with "don't you think that's a bit extreme?" For those who agree with Blanche, there is a plethora (really, don't you think that should be "are a plethora"?) of obesity cures, most of them reconizeable by claims that weight will "melt away effortlessly". Such is human frailty that we buy into such claims no matter how unlikely we believe the claim to be. So, from Fat Dissolving Soap to Vibrating Belts (which at least sound sort of fun, in a kinky way), we rush from this brand of snake oil to the next, filled with hope, again and again. Surely, one of these magical cures must work!
Now, out of years of personal experience, I announce to you Franks Own Fat-Loss Method!
My new method comes from my observation that:
When I drive a car - I weigh about 215 lbs.
When I walk - I weigh about 175 lbs.
In other words, my CAR is responsible for about 40 lbs of (mostly) fat, or a difference in body mass of over 22%!
Ever the diligent researcher, I looked here

National Transportation Statistics

and discovered that in the United States today there are someting over 260,000,000 cars. As an aside, yes, just as in those old predictions, there are now more cars than there are drivers for the cars.
Now let's look at the math:
260 million cars @ 40 lb/car. That's 10.4 billion lbs of excess avoirdupois, just in the USA!
Continuing, fat is 9 Cal./gram, there are 455 g/lb; so, 9 x 455 x 10,400,000,000 = ummm, lessee...
42,588,000,000,000 (~42.5 Trillion) Calories adhering to the American waistline!
The energy shortage is now over - all that remains is to "tap in" to this National Fat Reserve (NFR); enough reserve energy to see the nation through its next "driving season" (doesn't that phrase seem really tragically odd to you?)
Now, my own experience suggests this energy can best be recovered by people walking from place to place; but that might be a bit extreme.
Seeking the solution in technology; perhaps a National Liposuction Program, with the results transformed into bio-diesel, is a more palatable proposal.
Seeking the solution in the new national paradigm (I truly hate that word!) of victimhood, which is today always the most likely way of responding - I think we will just continue to blame anybody-but-me and keep patronizing the snake-oil-salesman-of-the-moment, seeking the zipless weight-loss, with six-pack abs thrown in for the more unrealistic of us (among whom I count myself, sometimes anyway).
And continue to add to the NFR.
Meantime, my feet hurt.

Which One Is In Denial?

Original: (Monday, September 26, 2005)

Denial is one of the stranger human traits, but it is one I believe we all share, at least from time to time. Sometimes, Like with Scarlet, it's better just to "think about it tomorrow". However, sometimes denial becomes a usual part of one's thinking. This can be bad.
Here's a test for you: Which one of these is an example of denial at work?

a.)



A smoker (like former Marlboro Man Wayne McLaren, shown here) who says "I can quit anytime I want."

b.)


A gambler (like former star quarterback Art Schlichter, shown here) who says "I'll quit just as soon as I make one more big score."

c.)


A President (like ... George W. Bush, shown here) who says "... we see a situation in Iraq in which the Iraqi people at every opportunity have chosen to pull together in the political process," (quote from State Department spokesman Sean McCormack).


... Give up?

The answer is: All Of The Above!
Now, you might be thinking my main idea here is to point out the incredibly destructive kind of thinking denial can bring about. You are correct. The destructiveness is of course much greater if the person happens to be the Most Powerful Man In The World (and determined to prove it). It's not like people didn't try to tell George W. Bush about Iraq. Millions of people marched against his war. I tried to tell him here ( Don't Gaff That Shark!). To no avail. I really just wrote that post as a sort of memory-lane piece anyway. I understand that the President pays no attention to any information that doesn't conform to his own personal (that is to say, wierd) worldview. Heck, he doesn't even pay attention to his own father, who understood back when he invaded Iraq that the only options there were a secular brutal thug dictatorship (Saddam Hussein) or a group of ungovernable brutal thug theocracies (what we are about to see now). He (G.H.W. Bush) opted for a Hussein-without-fangs, as the best of a bad situation. Ahh; it's enough to make one yearn for the Good Old Days. If Only We Had Known!

Energy - Part II

Original: (Thursday, August 16, 2007)

Part two of N; Part one is here: ENERGY - PART I. Only today, instead of talking about electrons, we'll be talking about hydrocarbons. Now, hydrocarbons are an important part of the World Of Chemistry. In fact, hydrocarbons are the basis of an entire field of Chemistry know as... Organic Chemistry. Organic Chem, as well as being about hydrocarbons, and hydrocarbon-based compounds, is also the primary reason why a lot of Chemistry students switch to English Lit. Chaucer is easier than the Paraffin Series, which is the easy part of Organic. It's all downhill from there.

Fortunately, aside from the word hydrocarbon, we really don't need to know much more about this stuff. As an aside, it's interesting to note that hydrocarbon compounds actually 'own' many electrons! If we could tease them into giving them up, we'd be able to fill our tanks (well, I mean, the gas tanks in our cars - not the Abrams Tanks in the many war zones we have scattered about the Middle East), and then drive happily about using an electric motor! Sadly, it's not in the nature of the Chemical Bond to give us those electrons without a lot of effort! We have Linus Pauling's word for that, and, knowing that he has not one, but two, Nobel Prizes, you can believe he's smarter than we are! He's also deceased, so the whole idea of megadoses of vitamin C might not be as great as he believed.

But that's another story, as they say.

Now, at this juncture in history, when some of the more-or-less prominent politicians are campaigning for President (these campaigns are so unrelenting, it may well be that the next president has already been elected, and we're getting ready to nominate the candidates for 2012), everybody is talking a lot about how they are about to develop a PLAN! A plan that is, to a.) Save The Planet From Global Warmng or b.) Save The American Driver From Big Oil. Some of the more ambitious politicians are, I believe, trying to work both of those Big Ideas into their ahem, Plan.

Sorry, as my motto says; Good Idea, Too Bad It's Wrong!

The basis for all these wonderful plans is to swap out petroleum as the source for the hydrocarbons going into your (fuel) tank, and to use hydrocarbons from another source. A partial list of these sources: Corn; Sawgrass; Sugarcane; Oil Palms; Used Cooking Oil (from MacD et al.); Methane From Garbage; Methane From Cows (yes, cowfarts!); and that old standby, King Coal. Now, this can all be done. In fact, third world farmers have been using animal byproduct (ahem) as fuel for many centuries. Heck, the West was settled by wagon trains that cooked their way across the plains using Buffalo Chips. That was, of course, before they killed and ate all of the Buffalo.

Problem with all this is, nobody seems to want to consider the scale!

Let us consider the scale: About 500, 000, 000 (1/2 billion!) cars. Maybe more. Heck, there's 260 million cars in the USA alone (see below; Everybody's Getting...). The owners of these cars all want to fill their tanks (the fuel tanks, that is) with hydrocarbons. Aside from some not-entirely-unreasonable fear of engine damage, the car owners really don't give a big rat's ass where the damn hydrocarbons come from. However, the total volume, or weight, of all this fuel is staggering to contemplate! Billions And Billions of Litres! (Borrowing here from famous TV astro-evangelist Carl Sagan). All this stuff gets burned, no matter where it comes from. The burning produces CO2, H2O, CO, Oxides of Nitrogen, Ozone, partially combusted hydrocarbons, and small particulates (soot, actually). The operation also produces Heat, Light, Motion, Dented Fenders, and the occasional Dead Pedestrian.

The problem, actually, is that, given their druthers, most people seem to want to travel about accompanied by something like two tons of assorted metal, plastic, glass, rubber, and a smidgen of other stuff. A car is, emotionally speaking, a sort of cross between a Big, Powerful Destrier (Magnificent Huge Masculine Warlike Stallion, that is), and a Security Blanket (Warm, Soft, Feminine, Peaceful, Comforting, that is). It's quite often not the best way to travel from point A to point B; but What If I Need To Run An Errand? It's also not the healthiest way to travel (See: Everybody's Getting Fat Except...); but What If I Need To Pick Up The Kids? So, what's to be done?

I Don't Know!

Voodoo Economix

Original: (Monday, March 23, 2009)

200 Billion Dollar deficits as far as the eye can see... (R. Limbaugh, 1993)

The Large Surplus will harm the economy... (G. W. Bush, 2001)

Deficits Don't Matter...(D. Cheney, 2003)

The Deficit is unconscionable... (J. Gregg, 2009)

From these and other similar quotes, of which we certainly have No Shortfall we can derive certain basic Rules of Economics
A. Deficits Don't Matter (if the President is a Republican) -
B. Deficits Do Matter (if the President is a Democrat) -
C. A Budget Surplus is bad (if the President is a Democrat) -
D. A Budget Surplus is out of the question (if the President is a Republican) -

Remember those polls from last January that said "People are willing to give the new President a long time to fix the economy."
Long Time appears to be just slightly less than two months.

Don't Gaff That Shark!

Original: (Sunday, May 30, 2004)

Some years ago, I worked as a deckhand on a sportfishing boat out of Los Angeles. One summer morning we were fishing out at Rocky Point (South of Redondo Beach), and we had a pretty good bite going. A good mix of fish, including Calico Bass, Bonito, Barracuda, with a few Yellowtail mixed in.
Unfortunately, we also had a pair of Blue Sharks cruising off the stern.

They were eating pretty much every fish the passengers hooked. They were going for the bait, too, and cutting off the fishermen’s lines. One of the Blues was going back and forth so close off the stern, I decided to do something about it. So I grabbed the long gaff and went to the back of the boat. Terry, the skipper, shouted “Don’t stick him!”. I said “He’s just a little fish, no problem.”
Well, Blue Sharks are kind of long and skinny (like I was in those days), so their appearance can be deceptive. I gaffed that Blue just behind the dorsal fin, and pulled about six feet of shark out of the water. There was still more fish in the water than there was out of it. That Blue wrapped its skinny little tail section around the gaff, started thrashing about, and broke it off. The shark swam away, looking unhappy, with the hook in its back. Because I didn’t listen to the skipper, I wound up having to replace that gaff out of my own pocket.
I learned a lesson from that, eventually. I tried to pass that lesson on to President Bush a while ago. I tried to tell him not to stick that gaff into Iraq. He didn’t listen to me. He didn’t listen to a lot of people. Now, well, it looks to me as if Iraq has broken off the gaff, and is swimming away with the hook in its back.
Seems to me, the President owes the people a new gaff, paid for out of his own pocket. And he should take care when and where he uses it in the future.

I Really Hope It Was Like This

Original: (Saturday, September 25, 2004)

A Great Story...

A long long time ago, during an era known as The Vietnam War, I was doing my time (as it was called then) in the United States Navy, as an enlisted man.

Now, the Navy and I were not a great fit, but in spite of the limited use to which I could be put, the Navy insisted I remain 'til the end of my enlistment. The Powers in the Pentagon seemed to think it their moral duty to retain all personnel in spite of... well, in spite, I believe. Besides, in those days we still had a large component in the military that could best be categorized as "cannon fodder", just like in the good old days of the World Wars (I and II). I see I've drifted a little.
At any rate, there I was, finally, consigned to duty as a shore patrolman in Yokohama, Japan. As duty stations go, I must admit it wasn't too bad. I was a free-spirited malcontent, though, so I wasn't considered a "good shipmate" by any means. Had a tendency to complain. Now, this happened to be at just about the time some of the soldiers in Vietnam started to desert. In fact, this was exactly the time the first two United States Army soldiers deserted. They had been sent on R&R to Japan and decided, when their leave was up, that it really wasn't in their best interest to return to the bullet-infested jungles of Vietnam. I really do sympathize with that view, but at the time, of course, nabbing those deserters was the Number One priority of the Yokohama Shore Patrol. What a coup! What kudos we'd recieve!
As part of the plan of these deserting soldiers, they'd contacted a radical element of the Communist Party known as the Japanese Red Brigade, which happily housed, fed, and displayed the two men at various rallies. We would naturally hear about these appearances and, red lights and sirens going, we'd race off to capture the miscreants. Faring as far as Kamakura, Fujisawa, and even Hakone once. Never did catch them, of course.
Interestingly, there was a sailor who lived in the Yokohama area who bore a striking resemblance to one of the deserters. He was stopped, it seems, about every two blocks whenever he ventured out onto the streets of Yokohama. It got to where he pretty much just kept his ID in his hand, and whenever he saw a SP truck he'd just come on over and say hi. We used to chat a little from time to time. He seemed to take it all pretty well. He was a JO2 (Journalist second class) at Kami Seya. I even remember his name. It was Doug Shuitt. I remember some time later seeing his byline in the Los Angeles Times. I do not know where he is or what he is doing now.
To digress for a moment (I promise, this will have a bearing on the story). Since I appreciate all things maritime, I used to watch the papers for notices of passenger liners sailing from the Yokohama docks. The French Indochina Line (yes, French Indochina Line, with three ships: SS Vietnam, SS Cambodia and SS Laos), home port Marseilles, ran a passenger route from Marseilles through the Suez Canal, around India, up to Singapore and Bangkok, around to Saigon, Hong Kong, Yokohama, and finally to Khabarovsk. The ships were tiny, but pretty. Which is more than you can say about the bloated horizontal high rise hotels polluting the oceans today. Okay, so I'm biased. These were actual passenger ships, however, used by people to go places, not just for expensive vacations. My sister arrived in Yokohama aboard the SS Laos

one time while I was there. I helped her smuggle a Honda Motorbike into Japan. But that's another story. Anyway, when I saw that one of these ships was departng, I used to go down to the dock, join in the throngs (like the ships, the throngs were small), throw confetti, try to catch an end of those paper spirals the passengers threw at the dock, generally have a good time.
Well.
Eventually, those two deserting soldiers left Japan, travelled across Russia, and wound up in Sweden, where they became posterboys for the antiwar movement. Judging by the dates, and the route, and so on, it seems to me entirely possible that those soldiers left Yokohama by way of the SS Laos, on a date when I was not only waving goodbye, but since I was on duty at the time, I was at the dock with my battleship gray Shore Patrol truck, and wearing full SP regalia, including helmet, nightstick, and .45 Colt Automatic pistol! If the soldiers were on that ship, I surely hope they weren't hiding out below. I hope they were at the rail, wondering why that shore patrolman was there waving goodbye to them! I really hope it all happened that way.
It would be a great story, wouldn't it?

Energy: Part 1

Original: (Sunday, May 20, 2007)

Electricity

First, a few facts about energy generally: There are several different kinds of energy in nature - Electrical, Gravitational, Mechanical, Physical, Mental, and Emotional. The First Law of Energy: "Energy cannot be created nor destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another". This law was first proposed by Lord Kelvin (OBE,BTU), who used this law in the development of the Kelvinator, an early form of Frigidaire, or refrigerator, known today as "reefer".

Electricity can be "made" (remember the First Law!) in several ways. One way is to go fly a kite in a thunderstorm (Be Careful!).
Another way (preferred) is to block a river, and then let the dammed water flow over a windmill. The rotating windmill causes two wires to rub together, making the electrons living in the wires to run to the other end. This is an excellent example of the Conversion of Energy: the current from the flowing river is converted to current flowing along the wire!

Now that we know how to "make" electricity; let's think about the other part of the equation - what we can use it for!

Electricity is used in a myriad ways today.

The main thing we do with it is --- we waste it! Electricity's major use is to Heat Empty Spaces, Cool Empty Spaces. and Light Empty Spaces. It is also sometimes used to fill empty spaces with the sound of "music".

The number two use of electricity is for manufacturing. Electricity is used in (Manu)Factories to make almost anything we want but don't really need: Cars, Cosmetics, TV Dinners and other foodlike items, Levis, iPods, and "stuff" in general. The list is endless! Ummm, now that I look at it, I don't think any of that stuff (except maybe for the TV Dinners) is actually "manufactured" in the US anymore. In any case, this is proof that electricty, like political donations,is fungible; electricity used to make "stuff" we don't need could also be considered in category 1, above (wasted).

In pretty much a tie for third place is electicity used to light up houses - where it is intended to warn people that the occupants are awake and alert, so they should stay away; and commercial buildings - which are lit up like Christmas trees inside and out, hoping to make people think something interesting is going on, and attract them! It's an interesting duality. I have yet to figure if all this light shining in people's eyes has either effect. It's been going on for over a century now, and I guess the jury is still out.

The fifth (remember, there are two number 3's) most common use for electricity is (are you ready for this?) - to power appliances that are "off." Yes; many years ago, Lord Magnavox (ABC, CBS, NBC, etc. etc.) discovered that if he wired your television or other essential appliance so that "OFF" really meant "ON - but not so you can use it," people would be happier. Their electric meters would continue to turn happily, thus avoiding a breakdown in the delivery of power to the home (and billing for same).

As I said earlier, electricity has a myriad of uses today. I have mentioned only a few of the most common. The other hundreds of uses perhaps adding up in the aggregate to as much as use number five (providing electricity to appliances that are "OFF").

So, when your local (or national) Candidate For President starts talking about "Clean Power" or "Green Power" remember: He-Or-She isn't talking about electricity. He-Or-She is talking about just plain power (His-Or-Her own).

Next: Energy: Part 2. Combustion